The position consists of being an "Instructional Assistant" and working one-on-one with clients generally in the pre-preschool to early elementary school age. The Instructional Assistants are expected to facilitate learning through the Applied Behavior Analysis ideals. For those of you who have absolutely no idea what that is - it's evidence-based treatment plan with the use of positive reinforcement to facilitate growth in those struggling with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). I've definitely learned about this in previous psychology courses, but during my training, I learned so, SO much more. Just a snippet of what I learned: how to implement the strategies, work through therapy techniques, incorporate therapy into literally everything from walking down a hall to "play" time, how to correct incorrect responses on drills, etc. If I wrote everything I learned, I would bore you to pieces. In addition to the therapy aspects, there were things like how to deal with potty time with a child who has lots of behavioral non-compliance, and more.
My first 3hr session of training was intense with a very behavioral non-compliant client of 4yrs old that I found out would be my main client in the next few months. I learned so much those few hours but left feeling so overwhelmed, a little stressed, and just, well, overwhelmed. The next few days of training followed about the same way. I kept leaving the training and having pep talks with myself on the way home that generally went like this: "Rachel, if you can move without knowing a soul to SKorea for a year, you can do this!!"
Well, it honestly pains me to say this, but I was wrong. After Day 3 of training, I could barely make it out to my car without bursting into tears. This job, this position, was just not a good fit for my personality. On the drive home, I realized that in the long run it wasn't fair to myself, my clients, or the company to continue to lie to myself that I should continue in the job. There were a few other factors in my decision (schedule changes, distance to job, cutting of previously scheduled hours, and logic of the combo of all of that), but just overall, it was not a good fit.
So, after lots of tears and logically talking it out with my parents (yes, I still do that and they're wise so I don't mind it), I decided to make the call and quit. I've never quit anything like that in my life. I have always followed through on my commitments. I hate that I had to do it. Nevertheless, once I had made the decision, I felt so relieved. I know it was right for me logically, and for my mental and emotional health.
I think that through this, I've learned so much. On a practical level, I learned a TON about ABA style therapy and agree with it wholeheartedly. The center is an amazing place for growth and treatment of ASD and I have nothing negative to say about what the center does and how it impacts the clients, their families, etc. (here's the website if you're interested: kendallschool.org) On a personal level, I learned about myself. That even though I may know I'm capable, sometimes it's not the best decision to continue to do something that I know is not a good fit. The aspect of this that I want to emphasize is that while I did quit the position, I don't see myself as a quitter. Quitting for your mental, emotional, or physical health or for logical reasons does NOT equal being a quitter. It's called being smart.
Sometimes, difficult decisions like saying "no" to someone, quitting when you know you should, or letting go of a poor relationship/friendship takes courage. But I encourage you to do that. Listen to God speaking to you. I really believe that God speaks through what people call our intuition, conscious, etc. It just takes listening to that small, persistent voice and trusting it.
Easier said than done, I know.
"Before you speak, it is necessary for you to listen, for God speaks in the silence of the heart."
Mother Theresa
[By the way, in case you're thinking I'm fully unemployed, don't you fret. I have a part time job tutoring writing at CSU Stanislaus 2-3 days a week and then will be substitute teaching at high schools in the area...plus I'm still living at my parents. I got it covered, ya see?]
