Choosing to keep my eyes open.

I love music. I love music that I feel speaks to my soul. Music that just "gets" me. Music that fits my mood, thoughts, etc. Usually, if you were to ask me, I can tell you a song that is just me in that particular time of my life. If I look back on my "songs", I can see where I was in life - "Move Along" by All-American Rejects (I know, I'm dating myself) was totally freshman year of college when life was rough, "Time of Your Life" by Green Day is study abroad in Ireland, and "Good Life" by OneRepublic was definitely representative of my adventures in South Korea.

I'm assuming most of you have heard the huge hit these days "Wake Me Up" by Avicii, a phenomenal Swedish DJ/remixer. If you haven't, here's the youtube so you have an idea what I'm talking about. 

I thought that this was my "song" for now. However, I've really been thinking about it, and I've decided that I don't like this song. Now before you are like "whaaaat?!", Hear me out. 

Realistically, I love this song. It's the perfect mix of country, pop, and house music. 

I admittedly listen to it all the time.

But the lyrics kill me. 

The main line of the chorus is "So wake me up when it's all over - When I'm wiser and I'm older"

I think so many of my generation do this. We are closing our eyes to the world around us because we don't want to deal with it. Many of us are overeducated and under experienced. We are either marrying quickly without full commitment or waiting for "the one" and time seems to be flying away from us. We are hoping for a dream job, our student loans to magically disappear, and the world to be fixed magically while we "figure our own lives out" (usually in the form of posting on Facebook and Instagram our biggest accomplishments and being envious of others)

But I don't think that's what we as humans should be doing. I believe God created us to live. Not to only live when it is good. Not to close our eyes to the evil and despair in our world, but to recognize it, fight against it, and have hope. If we close our eyes and hope to be "woken" when it's all over, we are wasting our time. You're missing your life.

So even when life isn't going exactly how I'd like it to be, I want to keep my eyes open. The rough patches of life are just as important and influential as the easy times. These rough times will teach me, mold me, and make me appreciate the joyful moments.

So I'm going to keep my eyes open.

Choose joy. (a.k.a. my life is not perfect.)

It has come to my attention recently that I've become quite good at portraying my life as absolutely wonderful via social media and even in my responses to "how are you?"/"How is life?"

I'm going to be honest with you all right now.

My life is not perfect.

I have doubts, fears, challenges, heartbreaks, sickness, sadness, and anger.
I feel intense loneliness, snap at people, cry my eyes out, worry about my life, and make major mistakes.

Daily.

but through all of this, I choose joy.

I make a conscious decision daily to choose joy. To focus on what is positive in my life and not to dwell on what is not going the way I'd like it. To look for the little things in life that can make me smile. To thank God for these little things. To put the joy before the frustration, hurt, sadness, etc.

Sometimes I definitely fail at choosing joy, but I believe that there is something positive to be found in all situations. While it may seem miniscule, there is always something beautiful to be found and to be thankful for.  I believe that God can make anything beautiful. That He takes something we perceive as ugly, horrific, degrading, frustrating, you name it, and can bring some sort of beauty out of it.

That is what I seek. To find the joy, the beauty, the laughter in life.

One thing that always makes me joyful, no matter what has transpired throughout the day:

A gorgeous sunset.
 

“I want a life that sizzles and pops and makes me laugh out loud. And I don't want to get to the end, or to tomorrow, even, and realize that my life is a collection of meetings and pop cans and errands and receipts and dirty dishes. I want to eat cold tangerines and sing out loud in the car with the windows open and wear pink shoes and stay up all night laughing and paint my walls the exact color of the sky right now. I want to sleep hard on clean white sheets and throw parties and eat ripe tomatoes and read books so good they make me jump up and down, and I want my everyday to make God belly laugh, glad that he gave life to someone who loves the gift.”

― Shauna Niequist, Cold Tangerines: Celebrating the Extraordinary Nature of Everyday Life