Revving my engine.

I'm revving my engine, friends.

Not literally, as I like to conserve gas and realistically, my little Corolla, Wanda, doesn't stand a chance in a drag race.

But figuratively, I've been revving for about 3 months now.  The first few months home were filled with figuring out life again in the US, eating copious amounts of unhealthy but delicious food, and just relishing in family and friends. Past month 2 of being "home," I've been antsy.  On the surface, I was optimistic, content, and enjoying life.  Below, I began to feel inadequate for any employment, not have a full sense of belonging, really miss the independence of having my own place, and sadly, resent those who seemed to have it all.

I was revving my engine, but was stuck in park.

Don't get me wrong, I was staying busy.

There was leading a Bible Story class for vacation bible school at Church of the Cross for a week,

weddings to attend,

and fun to be had.

But inwardly, still just revving.

This past week, I felt life beginning to take shape again.  It's crazy how getting out of the house for a few hours of meaningful work can invigorate and inspire. As I began tutoring at CSU Stanislaus's Summer Bridge writing program, I could feel myself just being overall happier.  I finally committed to a year long gym membership at a local health club (which I had been avoiding because I felt life is so up in the air now and that symbolized my acceptance of staying here...which I've decided is necessary at this point)...

and my most exciting news, today I was offered a part time position at an autistic learning school in Modesto that I had had an intense, 2 hr, panel, scary interview with about a month ago! It's not my initial thought of an ideal job, but it will definitely help me to grow, learn and be challenged!

So as you can see, I'm not just revving my engine anymore.  I'm starting to move forward.  Granted, it's not the exact direction I had assumed, but...it's moving. And I'm okay with that. Slowly but surely, I'll get this thing in drive.