Attempting to Live a Good Story...: Life Lessons and Hilarities of Being a Substitute Teacher.

Never in a million years would I have imagined that I would be a substitute teacher for a year, especially at my former junior high and high school. However, I was, and it was phenomenal. Yes, I know that is crazy talk. Substitute teaching is supposed to be terrible - attempting to wrangle those crazy kids into some semblance of productivity while they are thinking, "while the teacher is away, the children will play." While some days they did drive me absolutely insane (mostly the junior highers), overall, I loved it. I laughed a ton and always walked away from a day of subbing with a ridiculous story to share with friends and family. Going into it, I thought, "This is going to be a piece of cake because of teaching in South Korea. I mean, I can actually communicate so much better on a daily basis and they'll know what I want them to do!" While the teaching experience helped, there was SO much to subbing that I couldn't have imagined.

While subbing, I learned so much.

At the junior high...

I learned that seating charts are the bane of junior highers' existence and telling students to stay in them will cause lots of whining.
I learned that it's not impossible to have this exchange with a group of 7th grade boys:

Them (holding their shirts out in front of them) - "Miss Milhous, do you know what Icy-Hot is?"
Me (nervously) - "uhhh yes..."
Them - "Well we put it on our nipples! it BURNS!"

I learned that in every class where you feel like you are resisting pulling the fire alarm to get you out of this class without killing them, there is always a sweet one in there somewhere.

There is one 6th grade period class that is absolutely horrible behavior-wise. After my 2nd day in that class within one week and at the end of my rope, it all was remedied when the sweetest, little soft spoken girl comes up to me after class and says, "Miss Milhous, thank you for subbing for us today. I hope you have a great weekend." Made it all worth it.

I learned that a nickname for me can be "Miss MilFUN!"
I learned that it may be necessary to say things that seem ridiculous. I once had to say to a 7th grade boy - "No, do NOT put that ruler down your pants!"
I learned that in every class, there will be a kid that physically cannot stay in his or her seat for more than a few minutes. Whether he/she is getting water, asking to use the restroom, trying to be sly and move by his friends, or just bugging other students, he/she will always be up.
I learned that while junior highers are awkward in general, they are especially awkward when they run. It's like those growth spurts and awkward feelings translate into flying limbs and a non-smooth gait.
I learned patience. Well, I tried to learn patience.

And my favorite..at the high school...

I learned that high school boys think they are really cool.
I learned that if you act like you think they're cool too, they'll tell you, "Miss Milhous, we've got your back." and then will yell at the class to be quiet so you can talk. It's great.
I learned that subbing at a rural school means it's not weird to look around during class and see a hilarious high school boy wearing Wranglers and boots picking hay flakes off of the other Wrangler and boots wearing kid in front of him because they were working in the field across the street last period.
I learned that it's impossible to call former teachers by their first name. They will ALWAYS be Mr. or Mrs. So-and-So.
I learned the opposite of that also - some former teachers will never stop seeing you (and treating you) as a student...and that is frustrating.
I learned that high school girls are just as catty and drama-filled as I remember.
I learned (well was affirmed) that taking the time to simply listen earnestly to a student can change his or her life.
I learned that it's possible to teach an entire Advanced Algebra lesson/concept even when you don't think you remember how to do it yourself.
I learned that if you act confident, it works.

student - "Miss Milhous, do we need to fill out this paper and when is it due?"
me - "uhhhh" (looks on sub plan and there's nothing about it...)
me - "yes, you sure do have to do that. And this worksheet should be ready to turn in at the beginning of class tomorrow."

I learned that going back to my alma mater where I have some of my most cherished memories of Hughson will cause you to have constant flashbacks.
I also learned that these flashbacks will make you deal with past hurts and frustrations from high school.
I learned that it is possible to walk on campus and see a student in gym shorts, cowboy boots, and a track jersey riding a skateboard. (and it's really hard to hide your joy at this combo)
I learned that things you did in high school will come full circle when you come back as a student - like when you write "Milhous was here" underneath posters and it's discovered while you are subbing 10 yrs later.

It's weird as a substitute teacher who subs frequently for small schools. You pour into these students' lives random day after random day, and yet you don't really get to claim them as your students. I'm so glad that I had the chance to genuinely get to know many of them and that they felt comfortable with me; It's crazy how many students I have seen outside of school now and they have always acknowledged me, and I have heard more than once as I walk away from them explaining to whoever they are with, "That's Miss Milhous; she's my favorite sub!"It always brings a smile to my face.

But for now, Miss Milhous (or Miss MilFUN as the 7th graders call me), is hanging up her teacher hat and picking up the student hat.