Crying in Costco, Grace, and Preemptive Apologies.

Standing in line for the pharmacy counter at Costco at 10am on a Wednesday is not the ideal place to suddenly start feeling like you're going to cry. And yet, that is what happened to me last week. I managed to give myself a little "suck it up, cupcake" pep talk, keep my composition, and attributed the weepy eyes to my crazy schedule, lack of breakfast, and large amounts of caffeine so far that morning. So, post getting teary in line and getting frustrated with insurance issues at the counter, I decided a chicken bake would remedy the problem. I mean, obviously. Chicken bakes are delicious and will make me feel better and I would be fine. [if you don't know what a Costco chicken bake is, do yourself a favor and go directly to your friendly, local Costco and give it a go...they're bready, chickeny, bacony, saucy goodness.]

Instead of that completely fixing my problem, I soon found myself crying as I hurried to work in my car while consuming the assumed almighty chicken bake. I'm also pretty sure Taylor Swift's "Shake It Off" was playing the background too. It's a pretty hilarious mental picture now, I admit, but at the time, I was a mess.

What got me to this sad point? Reality is: I'm overwhelmed. It kinda feels like I'm treading water, and while my head is still above water, my body is getting tired. Standing in that line, willing it to hurry up so that I could rush back to work so that I could make it to a meeting and fine tune a paper and presentation due that night and make sure my case notes for clients are done and, and, and. I just had this feeling of hitting a wall and thinking, "I can't do this." followed by "I literally can't keep up this pace through July." It was rough.

I mean, I know I CAN. I know it's only for a season, and other than my crazy schedule, I'm in a pretty good place in my life. I don't hate Redding anymore and am actually not in as big of a rush to leave here once I graduate (wait, did I really just say that?!). I have friends here who care about me and a solid job. I'm having more fun on the weekends. Just the combo of school, work, and practicum is starting to take its toll. 

However, if last Wednesday was any indication, I have an amazing support group both near and far. My coworkers were more than patient with me, my best friend from home texted me (not knowing how my day was going) just appreciating our friendship, and my family was [unsurprisingly, because they're just always awesome] so encouraging. I'm so thankful for all of you in my life that continuously tell me that I am able, that you're proud of me, and that just pick me up when I'm down. Not many people have a support system that spreads across the world; I'm a lucky one.

I guess I'm just asking for a little grace [and more than a little prayer] in the next few months. I'm sorry if I'm grumpy to you or short with you or just seem exhausted and not engaged. I apologize if I take something personally and you're more than welcome to call me out on it. I'm going to need lots of prayer, grace, and hugs in the coming months. 

Don't worry, I'm still choosing joy and looking for it in all situations, because there is always joy to be found. Just sometimes, it takes a little more looking.