Revving my engine.

I'm revving my engine, friends.

Not literally, as I like to conserve gas and realistically, my little Corolla, Wanda, doesn't stand a chance in a drag race.

But figuratively, I've been revving for about 3 months now.  The first few months home were filled with figuring out life again in the US, eating copious amounts of unhealthy but delicious food, and just relishing in family and friends. Past month 2 of being "home," I've been antsy.  On the surface, I was optimistic, content, and enjoying life.  Below, I began to feel inadequate for any employment, not have a full sense of belonging, really miss the independence of having my own place, and sadly, resent those who seemed to have it all.

I was revving my engine, but was stuck in park.

Don't get me wrong, I was staying busy.

There was leading a Bible Story class for vacation bible school at Church of the Cross for a week,

weddings to attend,

and fun to be had.

But inwardly, still just revving.

This past week, I felt life beginning to take shape again.  It's crazy how getting out of the house for a few hours of meaningful work can invigorate and inspire. As I began tutoring at CSU Stanislaus's Summer Bridge writing program, I could feel myself just being overall happier.  I finally committed to a year long gym membership at a local health club (which I had been avoiding because I felt life is so up in the air now and that symbolized my acceptance of staying here...which I've decided is necessary at this point)...

and my most exciting news, today I was offered a part time position at an autistic learning school in Modesto that I had had an intense, 2 hr, panel, scary interview with about a month ago! It's not my initial thought of an ideal job, but it will definitely help me to grow, learn and be challenged!

So as you can see, I'm not just revving my engine anymore.  I'm starting to move forward.  Granted, it's not the exact direction I had assumed, but...it's moving. And I'm okay with that. Slowly but surely, I'll get this thing in drive.

Musings of an Unemployed House Sitter.

For the past few weeks, I've been house sitting at two different homes - and absolutely loved it. (if you don't care about my house-sitting, skip to the bullet points below!)  While l am so grateful that my parents are willingly letting me live with them again, I definitely miss the independence that accompanies being on my own.  This house-sitting gave me such a glimpse of that again and boy was it wonderful!

The first 10 days were spent at Steph's condo in Turlock while her and Tom were relaxing in the Dominican Republic on their honeymoon. With her spunky cat Ripley as my buddy, I spent a lot of time watching Friends and just relaxing.  She had already cancelled her internet, so I had plenty of time to just have much needed introvert downtime after the busyness of preparing for and being in her wedding.

With Steph and Tom safely home, I had one night at my parents' house before heading to house-sitting adventure #2.  This one was at a family friends' house right down the street from my parents.  It was SO much fun. Back out in the country, lots of animals, and had a hilariously fun Wii dance game! With 2 active dogs, 2 cuddly cats, 2 spunky goats, and a rabbit named Pickles, I had my hands full but in the best way.

Nothing like a little goat entertainment in the evenings!

Walks with Ava were my favorite!!

 I woke up from my nap to this...even the rabbit and goats were asleep too!

 One evening I made pasta with pesto, Italian sausage, and sundried tomatoes complimented with a glass of white wine...YUM!

Love this dog!!

Anyway, all that to say, I had lots of time to think in the last few weeks.  Let's be honest, I've had lots of time to think in the last few months.  For some reason I haven't felt able to articulate these onto here, but there's no time like the present!

• Life is unpredictable. It throws curve balls and fast balls and slow pitches and ones that seemed aimed at your face. I never imagined I would be where I am right now or where I have been for that matter. Sometimes it's rough to try to anticipate what kind of ball will be thrown next.  However, I think the best is to muster up the courage to just to step up to the plate and wait for the next pitch, because you never know when that home run will finally happen.
• Job searching SUCKS. I'm just going to be honest.  I'm sick of rejection letters, no letters at all, and a lack of feeling adequate for anything.  I finally got an interview for a part-time position and did well in it (will get a 2nd interview soon) but that's it. almost 4 months of actively searching and I pretty much have nothing to show for it. I'm sick of people asking if I've found something and having to answer no. UGH.
• Sometimes it takes more courage to stay in one place than it takes to run off to a different country. Not that I don't advocate for people to adventure and travel by ANY means.  I guess I'm just realizing there's a fine line between traveling to explore and learn and traveling to escape from something back home.
• Contrary to unspoken small town belief, it is perfectly okay and normal not to be engaged, married, and/or pregnant at my ripe age of 23 (24 in a few weeks!).  Also, on that note, while I'm genuinely ecstatic for all of you that are any/multiple of those, I'm not burning with jealousy as some of you assume.  It will happen for me if/when God chooses, so please, please lay off the pity looks and comments. 
• I think everyone should own a passport. and use it. They should go to a country where they don't speak the language and fumble through attempting to communicate.  They should eat food they wouldn't try back home (and have an open mind about it!). They should be willing to step out of their comfort zones - because the best adventures/stories come from that.

On a lighter note...other thoughts:

• I wish summer fruits lasted year-round. Strawberries, cantelope, peaches, blueberries, and watermelon. yes, please.
• Having an affinity for coffee is great. Non-coffee drinkers won't understand, but they don't realize what they're really missing out on.
• I haven't been on a plane in 4 months and although they make me sick, I'm having withdrawls.
• Cool summer evenings in the country are the best. Preferably accompanied with good friends, country music, and a good drink.

Well that's about it for now. As a closer, this has been heavy on my heart the past few days and may help you in some way or another.

• The grass always seems to be greener on the other side. 

I hate that I'm always wanting what I used to have or what other people have, so I have a new goal and I want to challenge you to do the same:

Joyfully cultivate the grass you're currently standing on.

The roundabout: Disappointment, moving forward, and enjoying the "now"

I have been avoiding this blog like the plague.

It hasn't been that I've been too busy or without life updates to share.  Rather, I've been waiting to have a positive update on my life and immediate future.  However, after 3 months of this avoidance, I've realized that I just need to step it up and share.

You might remember that I had applied to grad school and had that as the plan for the fall - disappointingly, I was not accepted into the program for this coming year (but you can bet your bottom dollar that I'll be reapplying next year!) and have been readjusting my plan.  I'm currently looking/applying for full-time jobs and constantly reminding myself that everything will work out.

If you've read any of my other posts, you probably know that I love analogies.  So for now, I've decided that life feels like a roundabout.  I came in from Korea, thought I would continue halfway around the roundabout and continue straight on the path I had predetermined in my head.  Of course, God had other plans and now I'm just circling.  Wondering where life is going to spit me out.  Which job I will finally get, where it will be, etc. And as monotonous as it can be, it also has been a blessing.  Because of this down time, I have been able to really be involved with Steph's wedding, spend a ton of time up with my sister and her family, see family constantly, and just enjoy living back in my hometown.  This time has and still is teaching me humility, trusting God's plan for my life, how to deal with disappointment and to find the joy in the little things.

Okay, so now that I've gotten that out of the way, I plan on jumping back into blogging.  Not that you'll be getting ridiculously adventurous posts like when I was in Korea, but I've realized how much I truly do miss writing about life.

I just love this quote:
“The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be” - Marcel Pagnol

A Week-long Hawaiian Layover.

Obviously this post is way overdue. As in almost a month overdue. Whoops. Anyway, since you've traveled so far with me already, you deserve to hear of my adventure back across the pond.  

What place is conveniently on the way from South Korea to California and is home to one of my favorite roommates from Point Loma? Hawaii, of course! I found flights that allowed me to do an extended layover/last-mini-vaca in Hawaii before returning to California for the same price as flying straight to Cali. A sign I should go? of course.

After a 8 hr, uneventful flight that included lots of sleeping due to Dramamine (my traveling best friend), I arrived in Honolulu, HI at about noon.  An encounter with a very rude customs official (welcome back to the US, Rachel), a cart load of luggage, and a few minutes of sweating in HI heat in my Ugg boots later, the friend I was visiting, Megan DeBoard, picked me up from the airport.  Man, was she a sight for tired, culture shocked, and slightly Dramamined eyes.  She greeted me with a hug, cup of delicious coffee, wonderful smelling plumeria lei, and cute flip flops to change into. Amazing.

Fresh off the plane - first few steps in America!

First meal - avocado burger, french fries, and a root beer. Just seeing the food made me ridiculously happy and lets not even mention how excited I was to order in English.

Over the course of the week, Megan and I had such a wonderful time.  It was refreshing to see a familiar face, catch up about life (I hadn't seen her since graduation almost 2 years ago from Loma), laugh until we cried, go on adventures, and sing constantly.  She's a music teacher, involved in music theater and has an incredible voice so that last one was normal for her - I just jumped on the bandwagon.

just some gorgeous scenery driving around Oahu.

Okay, so I met Megan initially because we were on the same team that went on a mission trip to New Zealand in 2007.  Another one of the former teammates, Will Campbell, lives in the same area as Megan (Kailua or somewhere near that) so we met up with him one of the days and had lunch with him - so, SO good to see old friends and just relax!

This is Megan's 22lb cat, Caspian. 

I don't really think other explanation is needed.

He must've known I was laughing at him.

Much more content (but still HUGE) in Megan's arms.

tiny beach near Lanikai Beach

Okay, random, amazing coincidence story:  My aunt and uncle who live in Portland, OR come to Hawaii ever few years to help put on a doctor's conference thing.  They happened to have it the week before I got there and were relaxing the week I was in Hawaii and they happened to be on Oahu for the first time in like 20 years and they happened  to be staying at a place 15 minutes from Megan's place!  I hadn't seen them in 6 years because every time they come down to Hughson to visit, I'm always off gallivanting around.  Needless to say, we made a point to meet up in Hawaii and I was able to spend almost 2 full days with them while Megan was at work!

No, I don't know this couple, but it was just so gorgeous to see them in that setting!

Kailua Beach

Culture shock hit me pretty hard at random times in Hawaii, and this candy aisle in Longs was definitely an instigator.  I mean, how can you blame me - look at all that wonderful candy at my fingertips that was virtually inaccessible for a year!

watching kite surfers at Kailua Beach

One of the days Megan took me on a drive up to the North Shore where we had Matsumoto Shaved Ice - SO delicious! 

That Friday while Megan was working, I went with my aunt and uncle to Pearl Harbor.  We were able to tour the USS Missouri - Mighty Mo - which is the last battleship built by the US, used in many big battles, and was where the surrender of Japan took place to mark the end of WWII.

It always amazes me to actually be on a navy ship; Their might, intricacies, and purpose is evident in all aspects.

Luckily, we were also able to get tickets to take the ferry out to the USS Arizona Memorial.  It is was overwhelming and sobering to actually be at the site of the Pearl Harbor attacks and see the names of all that were forced to give up their life that day.

USS Arizona Memorial

On a lighter note, Megan offered to watch her neighbors house - which included 4 chickens, a turtle, and some fish.  It became a source of entertainment and hilarity. 

Farmer Megan - obviously excited about the job at hand.

Many laughs later, we got those eggs gathered and chickens fed.  Let's just say if I had any sort of inclination towards wanting chickens, they are gone now.

With time to just soak in the sun and relax, we got some delicious shaved ice and just sat on Lanikai Beach - people watching, talking, and just enjoying the gorgeous view.

Megan's parents' house - such a gorgeous neighborhood...I wanted to move in.

Last meal in Hawaii - the best crepes and coffee ever.

As expected Hawaii was wonderful.

However, not only was the scenery stunning, food delicious, and just was laid back, but it was so much more to me.

It was a chance to catch my breath, deal with initial culture shock of English-speaking-overload, let go of my time in Korea, and prepare myself mentally to return home.

Even more wonderful to me was the opportunity to spend that time with a great friend.  I really consider Megan to be a rare kind of friend.   The kind where you don't see them for a few years and yet you pick up exactly where you are. Not where you left off, but we both realized we've both changed, grown, and molded since our last encounter and desired to learn about these new aspects of each other.  She's the friend that I can laugh my head off, have a deep conversation, go shopping and be amazed by memory foam bath mats, and then watch Veronica Mars while playing Temple Run with. All in the same evening. 

Yep, I appreciate her and any friend like that. 

Hawaii was much needed and much appreciated on this journey back to "normalcy" in the US.

 [especially their chocolate covered macadamia nuts.]

There's no place like home

Home, sweet, home. 

As I type this, I'm curled up in my dad's big recliner watching the rain sprinkling outside in the orchard and have a big mug of coffee and homemade oatmeal chocolate chip cookies within reach. It's good to be home. 

The past few weeks have been filled with conflicting feelings, packing and unpacking, goodbyes and hellos, and just so much change it's overwhelming. But in such a good way.  It's one of those "this is exactly what's supposed to happen" times in life.  

Leaving Korea was much harder than I expected.  My last few days were spent wrapping up the life I had built - friendships, bank accounts, students, apartment - they all had to be closed. I was able to see most people one last time and say goodbye [boy do I hate the sound of those!].  I'm going to miss the students, the every day adventures, the teachers I got to know, the neighborhood, the city itself, my friends, I could go on and on.  The thing I keep going back to is how fortunate I was to have the opportunity to have this adventure.  To learn about myself, the world, and God's creation while hopefully making a difference in a few student's lives.  I'm one lucky duck.

Here are a few pictures from my last few days in Daegu.

Mr. Lee (harmonica playing teacher!) and I  

 these girls are SO funny.

one of my winter classes 

 :)

last walk around downtown Daegu 

 my normal way of transport

rice cake with red bean paste - one last time... 

 tteokbokki special! yum!

 last night downtown Daegu

 cell phone street downtown

 that's all seaweed (and a super cute child!!)

 last meal in Korea - Dolsot Bibimbap, of course!

all packed up and ready to go... 

hahaha the bus ride up to Incheon Airport (4 hrs) had no one on it but me and the bus driver until we stopped 1 hr into it....even people at the Daegu bus station were laughing as we left! 

Parting gift from my landlord - delicious aloe drink!

Speaking of being blessed, I didn't come straight back to California from Korea.  I had found flights that allowed me to have a 1 week layover in Hawaii, where I spent the time with a dear friend from university.  Don't worry, I'll do a post about that week complete with pictures and accounts of culture shock next. :)

 “No one realizes how beautiful it is to travel until he comes home and rests his head on his old, familiar pillow.” – Lin Yutang