Life Lessons and Hilarities of Being a Substitute Teacher.

Never in a million years would I have imagined that I would be a substitute teacher for a year, especially at my former junior high and high school. However, I was, and it was phenomenal.  Yes, I know that is crazy talk. Substitute teaching is supposed to be terrible - attempting to wrangle those crazy kids into some semblance of productivity while they are thinking, "while the teacher is away, the children will play." While some days they did drive me absolutely insane (mostly the junior highers), overall, I loved it. I laughed a ton and always walked away from a day of subbing with a ridiculous story to share with friends and family. Going into it, I thought, "This is going to be a piece of cake because of teaching in South Korea. I mean, I can actually communicate so much better on a daily basis and they'll know what I want them to do!" While the teaching experience helped, there was SO much to subbing that I couldn't have imagined.

While subbing, I learned so much.

At the junior high...

• I learned that seating charts are the bane of junior highers' existence and telling students to stay in them will cause lots of whining.
• I learned that it's not impossible to have this exchange with a group of 7th grade boys:
• Them  (holding their shirts out in front of them) - "Miss Milhous, do you know what Icy-Hot is?" 
• Me (nervously) - "uhhh yes..."
• Them - "Well we put it on our nipples! it BURNS!"
• I learned that in every class where you feel like you are resisting pulling the fire alarm to get you out of this class without killing them, there is always a sweet one in there somewhere.
• There is one 6th grade period class that is absolutely horrible behavior-wise. After my 2nd day in that class within one week and at the end of my rope, it all was remedied when the sweetest, little soft spoken girl comes up to me after class and says, "Miss Milhous, thank you for subbing for us today. I hope you have a great weekend." Made it all worth it.
• I learned that a nickname for me can be "Miss MilFUN!"
• I learned that it may be necessary to say things that seem ridiculous. I once had to say to a 7th grade boy - "No, do NOT put that ruler down your pants!"
• I learned that in every class, there will be a kid that physically cannot stay in his or her seat for more than a few minutes. Whether he/she is getting water, asking to use the restroom, trying to be sly and move by his friends, or just bugging other students, he/she will always be up.
• I learned that while junior highers are awkward in general, they are especially awkward when they run. It's like those growth spurts and awkward feelings translate into flying limbs and a non-smooth gait.
• I learned patience. Well, I tried to learn patience.

And my favorite..at the high school...

• I learned that high school boys think they are really cool.
• I learned that if you act like you think they're cool too, they'll tell you, "Miss Milhous, we've got your back." and then will yell at the class to be quiet so you can talk. It's great.
• I learned that subbing at a rural school means it's not weird to look around during class and see  a hilarious high school boy wearing Wranglers and boots picking hay flakes off of the other Wrangler and boots wearing kid in front of him because they were working in the field across the street last period.
• I learned that it's impossible to call former teachers by their first name. They will ALWAYS be Mr. or Mrs. So-and-So.
• I learned the opposite of that also - some former teachers will never stop seeing you (and treating you) as a student...and that is frustrating.
• I learned that high school girls are just as catty and drama-filled as I remember.
• I learned (well was affirmed) that taking the time to simply listen earnestly to a student can change his or her life.
• I learned that it's possible to teach an entire Advanced Algebra lesson/concept even when you don't think you remember how to do it yourself.
• I learned that if you act confident, it works.
• student - "Miss Milhous, do we need to fill out this paper and when is it due?"
• me - "uhhhh" (looks on sub plan and there's nothing about it...)
• me - "yes, you sure do have to do that. And this worksheet should be ready to turn in at the beginning of class tomorrow." 
• I learned that going back to my alma mater where I have some of my most cherished memories of Hughson will cause you to have constant flashbacks.
• I also learned that these flashbacks will make you deal with past hurts and frustrations from high school.
• I learned that it is possible to walk on campus and see a student in gym shorts, cowboy boots, and a track jersey riding a skateboard. (and it's really hard to hide your joy at this combo)
• I learned that things you did in high school will come full circle when you come back as a student - like when you write "Milhous was here" underneath posters and it's discovered while you are subbing 10 yrs later.

It's weird as a substitute teacher who subs frequently for small schools.  You pour into these students' lives random day after random day, and yet you don't really get to claim them as your students.  I'm so glad that I had the chance to genuinely get to know many of them and that they felt comfortable with me; It's crazy how many students I have seen outside of school now and they have always acknowledged me, and I have heard more than once as I walk away from them explaining to whoever they are with, "That's Miss Milhous; she's my favorite sub!"It always brings a smile to my face.

But for now, Miss Milhous (or Miss MilFUN as the 7th graders call me), is hanging up her teacher hat and picking up the student hat.

Found my picture still on the Physical Education
Wall of Fame in the Junior High gym!

Back to the classroom after my vacation
to Chicago and the East Coast.
You can tell how I felt about that.

A high school classroom's pet hamster, Ted!

Lining up ALL the 8th graders for a photo.

One day I was a 7th grade science teacher,
and I lead a Leaf Lab.

Another day, I was a high school Advanced Algebra teacher.
That was MUCH more difficult.

Kicking my feet up at lunch
in aforementioned Advanced Algebra class 

High School ASB Speeches

Signs in the staff bathroom that had me rolling in laughter.
Jokesters, those teachers.

You know, just across the street from the High School.

Some of my favorite 8th Graders
 (but I seriously loved the entire 8th grade class!!)

I sure am.

by the way, I'm moving to Redding, CA in about 2 months!! ahhh!!

Moving into the unknown....yet again.

I just love the way life works.

I love that we often cannot see the big picture, and that while we are seemingly drowning in sorrows, struggles, and trials, God is simultaneously building us up, creating more character, moving us forward and ultimately covering us in grace and love.

Last spring, I felt lost. I had been rejected academically and professionally. Finding my niche back in Hughson was a struggle, let alone figuring out how to balance the independence I had cultivated in South Korea with living back in my [wonderful] parents' home.

A year later, I thoroughly love the two jobs I have, I was accepted to all four graduate programs I applied to, I have renewed old and discovered new wonderful friendships, I have been able to spend a great amount of time with my sister and her family, and I am now getting ready for the next adventure - moving to Redding to attend Simpson University's Master's program in Counseling Psychology so that I can work towards being a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Life is good.

As I usually am before big changes, I'm nervous, excited, and slightly sad - all at the same time. That's the beauty of change to me; It's never just a walk in the park. It's a walk in the park where you might step in dog poop. Or a walk where you meet an amazing person. Or a walk where you catch yourself with one person on your mind that you haven't seen in forever. Or a walk where you trip in front of a group of people and just have to laugh at yourself. Or a walk where no one is on the swing set so you jump on and go as high as you dare. Or a walk when all of that happens. 

The thing is: you will never know what happens on that walk unless you take it. It's unknown unless you try.

BUT. One thing I do know is this:

No matter what happens on that walk,

God is good and He loves you more than you can imagine.

Tug-o-War

Have you ever seen or even participated in a full out game of Tug-o-War? I'm talking a no holds barred, put your back into it, give it all you've got game. Maybe the teams are enemies and are trash talking each other as they pull.  When the flag finally passes onto one side or the other team gives up, there is a clear winner.  There are no rounds, halves, or 2nd chances.

Last week, I found out that I am offered positions in the Masters in Counseling Psychology: Marriage and Family Therapy Program at Simpson University as well as in the Masters in Clinical Psychology: Marriage and Family Therapy Program through Azusa Pacific University's satellite campus in San Diego. They are my top two choices - which makes this totally exciting! While I'm still waiting to hear back from my other two applications - programs at CSU Stanislaus and Fresno Pacific University, Simpson and APU have always been my top choices, so I'm pretty set!

However, while I'm glad that I am offered these positions, they also are, quite frankly, freaking me out.  Because choices eventually equal having to make a decision. One that I don't feel prepared to make.

In my life, I have made lots of big decisions.  Ones that have sent me across the state for 4 years for university, took me on a 4 month adventure to study abroad in Ireland, or even taken me to South Korea for a whole year! While these decisions obviously had alternate choices, I've always had a clear idea of what I wanted; I just waited for the green light through acceptance to programs and whatnot.  In this case, I don't know what I want.  And it scares me.  There are too many pros and cons. Blah.

In comes the tug-o-war in my poor little noggin.  Pretty much every spare moment I have is consumed with thinking about pros and cons of each program.  Price, location, people, distance, program qualities, internship opportunities, blah blah blah.  I feel as if each program has a side of the rope and is pulling with all of its might. One of these days in the near future, I'll have to make a decision, and one side will have the flag pass over to their side.

No matter what, I know I'll end up where I'm supposed to be, because both programs are wonderful in different ways and have their own downfalls.

One thing that I'm going to try and do in this pre-decision time, is to just relax. Last Friday, I was super stressed about this decision.  I was able to go up to my best friend Stephanie and her husband's ranch in La Grange, and while he was out of town, have such  a good, relaxing, stress-relieving time. She lives on an absolutely gorgeous cattle ranch where we went shooting (I shot a 22 for the first time ever!), rode around and got a tour of the ranch on the 4-wheeler, ate dinner at this old restored saloon/bar that is the only restaurant in the tiny town, and just laugh a TON.  The night up there was honestly like a mini-vacation that helped me to get perspective on my situation and thoughts.  I am so blessed to have a best friend that is so encouraging, lets me rant and rave about the never ending pros and cons, and just make me laugh.

I honestly think I'm getting closer to a decision, but who knows. Big decisions are daunting, but I know in this case, it'll all work out the way it's supposed to. It always does.

Back again...I think...

I've been avoiding this blog like a plague.

However, I don't quite understand why. It's not for a lack of happenings, desire to write, time, or what I should write about. I mean, I spend most of my runs thinking of what would constitute a compelling blog post (if only I could just write it as I run!) Therefore, I can only attribute it to a severe case of blog-writing-laziness. Here's hoping that I've found the remedy and will keep writing regularly!

Well, a quick update on my life.  In my last post Learning to Quit. (without being a quitter), I had just tactfully quit a position I was in training for at an autism school.  That decision was definitely the best for me - and allowed me to pick up not just one, not just two, but THREE amazing jobs for the fall.  Job #1: Mondays and Fridays were spent substitute teaching when needed mostly for Hughson Unified School District, where I had attended school K-12. Those stories will need a blog post in themselves!
Job #2: Tutoring college students in English, ESL, and Psychology in the Tutoring Center at CSU Stanislaus Tuesday-Thurs.
Finally, Job #3: Tutoring all ages (everything from grade 2 - high school!) at an amazing place called Huntington Learning Center in the evenings.

It's honestly amazing how God led me away from one job that highlighted my weaknesses and straight into 3 jobs that fit together well and played to my strengths! Starting with the new year, I've decided to have fully availability for subbing as well as gain hours at Huntington.  It's not quite a full time job, but it's perfect for what I need!

Other than work, I've joined a gym and gotten really into attending the workout classes, I'm still living with my parents for the time being (not as bad as it sounds - I baked for them all day yesterday and today and can hear my mom making homemade popcorn as I type! Plus...they're pretty amazing in general so as long as they can handle me being here, I am grateful for their generosity!), I've rekindled friendships with old friends as well as met fresh faces that I connect with, I'm excited about a two week trip I'm taking for Dec30 - Jan14 (one week in Chicago to visit my dear friend Jacs and one week in New Jersey to visit my cousin Emily!) and of course, my little niece and nephew are absolutely as adorable as ever.

As 2012 comes to a close, I'm just so grateful. While my life is not happening exactly how I had envisioned, it is happening. I feel like that should be the theme of this seemingly awkward time of my life.  No, I'm not married. No, I don't have children yet. No, I don't have a 9-5 job.  But my life is happening. And it's happening the way God has intended. That's enough for me.

So as the New Year rings in, take a moment to look back on the year.  I challenge you not only to look at the joys of the year, but also look at the challenges. the heartaches. the setbacks.  What have you learned from them and how can you continue to implement those lessons for the positive into your life today.  For that's what life is. To have life happen. To learn from those happenings, and then to move forward.

merry Christmas & happy New Year, friends.

Learning to Quit. [without being a quitter]

After weeks of anticipation, schedule changes, and excitement of finally having a job, I began training last Monday, August 13th at the autistic learning center in Modesto. From the little I had seen during my previous time at the center (2hr interview, picking up documents, having an employee orientation, etc), I knew that the job was well out of my comfort zone.

The position consists of being an "Instructional Assistant" and working one-on-one with clients generally in the pre-preschool to early elementary school age.  The Instructional Assistants are expected to facilitate learning through the Applied Behavior Analysis ideals.  For those of you who have absolutely no idea what that is - it's evidence-based treatment plan with the use of positive reinforcement to facilitate growth in those struggling with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). I've definitely learned about this in previous psychology courses, but during my training, I learned so, SO much more. Just a snippet of what I learned: how to implement the strategies, work through therapy techniques, incorporate therapy into literally everything from walking down a hall to "play" time, how to  correct incorrect responses on drills, etc. If I wrote everything I learned, I would bore you to pieces.  In addition to the therapy aspects, there were things like how to deal with potty time with a child who has lots of behavioral non-compliance, and more.

My first 3hr session of training was intense with a very behavioral non-compliant client of 4yrs old that I found out would be my main client in the next few months.  I learned so much those few hours but left feeling so overwhelmed, a little stressed, and just, well, overwhelmed.  The next few days of training followed about the same way. I kept leaving the training and having pep talks with myself on the way home that generally went like this: "Rachel, if you can move without knowing a soul to SKorea for a year, you can do this!!"

Well, it honestly pains me to say this, but I was wrong.  After Day 3 of training, I could barely make it out to my car without bursting into tears.  This job, this position, was just not a good fit for my personality. On the drive home, I realized that in the long run it wasn't fair to myself, my clients, or the company to continue to lie to myself that I should continue in the job.  There were a few other factors in my decision (schedule changes, distance to job, cutting of previously scheduled hours, and logic of the combo of all of that), but just overall, it was not a good fit.

So, after lots of tears and logically talking it out with my parents (yes, I still do that and they're wise so I don't mind it), I decided to make the call and quit.  I've never quit anything like that in my life.  I have always followed through on my commitments.  I hate that I had to do it.  Nevertheless, once I had made the decision, I felt so relieved.  I know it was right for me logically, and for my mental and emotional health.

I think that through this, I've learned so much. On a practical level, I learned a TON about ABA style therapy and agree with it wholeheartedly.  The center is an amazing place for growth and treatment of ASD and I have nothing negative to say about what the center does and how it impacts the clients, their families, etc. (here's the website if you're interested: kendallschool.org) On a personal level, I learned about myself.  That even though I may know I'm capable, sometimes it's not the best decision to continue to do something that I know is not a good fit. The aspect of this that I want to emphasize is that while I did quit the position, I don't see myself as a quitter. Quitting for your mental, emotional, or physical health or for logical reasons does NOT equal being a quitter. It's called being smart.

Sometimes, difficult decisions like saying "no" to someone, quitting when you know you should, or letting go of a poor relationship/friendship takes courage.  But I encourage you to do that. Listen to God speaking to you.  I really believe that God speaks through what people call our intuition, conscious, etc. It just takes listening to that small, persistent voice and trusting it. 

Easier said than done, I know.

"Before you speak, it is necessary for you to listen, for God speaks in the silence of the heart."

Mother Theresa

[By the way, in case you're thinking I'm fully unemployed, don't you fret.  I have a part time job tutoring writing at CSU Stanislaus 2-3 days a week and then will be substitute teaching at high schools in the area...plus I'm still living at my parents. I got it covered, ya see?]

Revving my engine.

I'm revving my engine, friends.

Not literally, as I like to conserve gas and realistically, my little Corolla, Wanda, doesn't stand a chance in a drag race.

But figuratively, I've been revving for about 3 months now.  The first few months home were filled with figuring out life again in the US, eating copious amounts of unhealthy but delicious food, and just relishing in family and friends. Past month 2 of being "home," I've been antsy.  On the surface, I was optimistic, content, and enjoying life.  Below, I began to feel inadequate for any employment, not have a full sense of belonging, really miss the independence of having my own place, and sadly, resent those who seemed to have it all.

I was revving my engine, but was stuck in park.

Don't get me wrong, I was staying busy.

There was leading a Bible Story class for vacation bible school at Church of the Cross for a week,

weddings to attend,

and fun to be had.

But inwardly, still just revving.

This past week, I felt life beginning to take shape again.  It's crazy how getting out of the house for a few hours of meaningful work can invigorate and inspire. As I began tutoring at CSU Stanislaus's Summer Bridge writing program, I could feel myself just being overall happier.  I finally committed to a year long gym membership at a local health club (which I had been avoiding because I felt life is so up in the air now and that symbolized my acceptance of staying here...which I've decided is necessary at this point)...

and my most exciting news, today I was offered a part time position at an autistic learning school in Modesto that I had had an intense, 2 hr, panel, scary interview with about a month ago! It's not my initial thought of an ideal job, but it will definitely help me to grow, learn and be challenged!

So as you can see, I'm not just revving my engine anymore.  I'm starting to move forward.  Granted, it's not the exact direction I had assumed, but...it's moving. And I'm okay with that. Slowly but surely, I'll get this thing in drive.

Musings of an Unemployed House Sitter.

For the past few weeks, I've been house sitting at two different homes - and absolutely loved it. (if you don't care about my house-sitting, skip to the bullet points below!)  While l am so grateful that my parents are willingly letting me live with them again, I definitely miss the independence that accompanies being on my own.  This house-sitting gave me such a glimpse of that again and boy was it wonderful!

The first 10 days were spent at Steph's condo in Turlock while her and Tom were relaxing in the Dominican Republic on their honeymoon. With her spunky cat Ripley as my buddy, I spent a lot of time watching Friends and just relaxing.  She had already cancelled her internet, so I had plenty of time to just have much needed introvert downtime after the busyness of preparing for and being in her wedding.

With Steph and Tom safely home, I had one night at my parents' house before heading to house-sitting adventure #2.  This one was at a family friends' house right down the street from my parents.  It was SO much fun. Back out in the country, lots of animals, and had a hilariously fun Wii dance game! With 2 active dogs, 2 cuddly cats, 2 spunky goats, and a rabbit named Pickles, I had my hands full but in the best way.

Nothing like a little goat entertainment in the evenings!

Walks with Ava were my favorite!!

 I woke up from my nap to this...even the rabbit and goats were asleep too!

 One evening I made pasta with pesto, Italian sausage, and sundried tomatoes complimented with a glass of white wine...YUM!

Love this dog!!

Anyway, all that to say, I had lots of time to think in the last few weeks.  Let's be honest, I've had lots of time to think in the last few months.  For some reason I haven't felt able to articulate these onto here, but there's no time like the present!

• Life is unpredictable. It throws curve balls and fast balls and slow pitches and ones that seemed aimed at your face. I never imagined I would be where I am right now or where I have been for that matter. Sometimes it's rough to try to anticipate what kind of ball will be thrown next.  However, I think the best is to muster up the courage to just to step up to the plate and wait for the next pitch, because you never know when that home run will finally happen.
• Job searching SUCKS. I'm just going to be honest.  I'm sick of rejection letters, no letters at all, and a lack of feeling adequate for anything.  I finally got an interview for a part-time position and did well in it (will get a 2nd interview soon) but that's it. almost 4 months of actively searching and I pretty much have nothing to show for it. I'm sick of people asking if I've found something and having to answer no. UGH.
• Sometimes it takes more courage to stay in one place than it takes to run off to a different country. Not that I don't advocate for people to adventure and travel by ANY means.  I guess I'm just realizing there's a fine line between traveling to explore and learn and traveling to escape from something back home.
• Contrary to unspoken small town belief, it is perfectly okay and normal not to be engaged, married, and/or pregnant at my ripe age of 23 (24 in a few weeks!).  Also, on that note, while I'm genuinely ecstatic for all of you that are any/multiple of those, I'm not burning with jealousy as some of you assume.  It will happen for me if/when God chooses, so please, please lay off the pity looks and comments. 
• I think everyone should own a passport. and use it. They should go to a country where they don't speak the language and fumble through attempting to communicate.  They should eat food they wouldn't try back home (and have an open mind about it!). They should be willing to step out of their comfort zones - because the best adventures/stories come from that.

On a lighter note...other thoughts:

• I wish summer fruits lasted year-round. Strawberries, cantelope, peaches, blueberries, and watermelon. yes, please.
• Having an affinity for coffee is great. Non-coffee drinkers won't understand, but they don't realize what they're really missing out on.
• I haven't been on a plane in 4 months and although they make me sick, I'm having withdrawls.
• Cool summer evenings in the country are the best. Preferably accompanied with good friends, country music, and a good drink.

Well that's about it for now. As a closer, this has been heavy on my heart the past few days and may help you in some way or another.

• The grass always seems to be greener on the other side. 

I hate that I'm always wanting what I used to have or what other people have, so I have a new goal and I want to challenge you to do the same:

Joyfully cultivate the grass you're currently standing on.